Headlines attract readers, and UK newspapers are ardently read because of daily headlines hitting punters' daily consumption of modern-day journalist garbage.
Here are today's headlines:
Daily Star: Pamela Anderson's left boob is sagging lower than her right one! Hollywood plastic surgeons say she needs a JCB to lift it!
Daily Mirror: Lefty mobs defy social distancing by punching out the lights of Extreme-Rights in Burnley preaching WLM (White Lives Matter)!
The Currant Bun: David Beckham has lost one of his thousand tattoos smothered over his ageing torso! Posh swears she didn't see it either whilst giving David a quick rub down!
Express: EU leaders wonder what happened to Theresa May after 2 years of going AWOL during Brexit negotiations!
Daily Mail: Ex-Prince Harry claims ''glorious' English history was built upon the back of black slaves. His Eton history professor claims ex-Prince Harry was always masturbating during history lessons.
Metro: Our predicted heatwave has been drowned by storms and torrential rain battering the UK. However, by the time we write tomorrow's headlines, a snow and ice storm will cover the UK proving global warming is a reality!
Broadsheets:
The Times: Trump calls China a war-mongering machine!
Financial Times: Trump invests $2 billion in Huawei!
Guardian: Jeremy Corbyn was our lefty Messiah, but sadly, a complete diplomatic idiot!
Observer: We have no headlines because nobody reads them!
So avid British newspaper readers, seeing is believing, and may you all continue to believe those who love to brainwash your daily thoughts with utter garbage!
