Your star sign has changed!

Funny story written by IainB

Wednesday, 15 July 2020

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Gratuitous image to get clicks

Hot off the press is news that NASA have added a constellation in to the traditional canon of twelve star signs, Ophiuchus.

"There's always been a gap in the heavens between Scorpio and Sagittarius," said NASA spokesperson, Katherine Johnson. "Ophiuchus sits in that gap. All the star signs had been shuffled up to fill it. By restoring The Serpent into the night sky, the star signs can correctly align."

Despite believing all astrology to be utter tosh, the world is up in arms with the news that many of them now have a new star sign.

"I'm not a bloody Taurus," said Andy Bloke, an angry man in Burnley. "I'm a Gemini. I've always been a Gemini, and I'll stay a Gemini whatever they tell me the star sign actually is."

Annie Lass, an even angrier woman from Barnoldswick (pronounced Barlick), is furious. "I only married our Dec because he was a Pisces and they are so compatible with Virgos. Now he's Aquarius and I'm a Leo and that's it. I've filed for divorce."

Russel Grant (still alive at the time of writing), is also understandably upset by the sudden shift in his profession.

"I've been a professional horoscope scryer for three hundred and twelve years through fifteen reincarnations," he told the Spoof. "I'm now going to have to make up a thirteenth horoscope! I got into this gig because it's very little work. This is like doubling the amount I will have to write. It's just not on."

NASA spokesperson, Katherine Johnson, however was unabashed. "I don't know why people are getting so worked up about it," she said. "Astrology is complete and utter rubbish."

But she would say that. She's an Ophiuchus.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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