Horoscope Was Wrong

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 27 August 2019

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Cancer the Crab earlier

A man who had nothing better to do than waste time flicking through the pages of a newspaper, read what turned out to be an incorrect and, indeed, misleading horoscope yesterday afternoon.

Moys Kenwood, 56, was immersed in the day-to-day tittle-tattle in the pages of the Hull Daily Mail, when he came upon the horoscopes, and decided to read his own.

The horoscope, provided by feisty, blond bombshell, Claire Petulengro, read:

"There is a 'two steps forward, one step back' feel to your life this week. You start to feel as if certain signs of the zodiac are working against you. This is not so. You are being tested. Those with power want to know you are serious, and are worthy of their help. Ring now for clarity to reign."

But, said Kenwood, this was bollox.

"There was no 'two steps forward, one step back' about it, and I didn't feel that any of the other signs were working against me. No test was being administered."

Moreover, said he, the news that there were people "with power" was interesting, that they wanted to know that he was serious, even more interesting, and that they wanted to know he was worthy of their help, possibly the most interesting thing he could imagine at that moment in time.

He opted not to ring for clarity to reign, whatever that meant.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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