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Funny story: Your star sign has changed!

Your star sign has changed!

Hot off the press is news that NASA have added a constellation in to the traditional canon of twelve star signs, Ophiuchus. "There's always been a gap in the heavens between Scorpio and Sagittarius," said NASA spokesperson, Katherine Johnson. "Oph…

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Funny story: Owen Wilson Celebrity Horoscope

Owen Wilson Celebrity Horoscope

Born today, you are the sort who doesn't get your nose out of joint easily. You are cheerfully willing to accept whatever life sends your way, whether it's an also-ran finish in the sexiest-person-in-the-office contest or an also-ran finish to Matthe...

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Funny story: Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Unlike other astrologers, who rely on the mundane, the analog, and the antiquated to arrive at their “predictions,” Catmando boldly goes where no members of the cosmological fraternity dare to venture, predicting the future almost before it happens a...

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Funny story: GanjaScope Is President Trump's Favorite Read

GanjaScope Is President Trump's Favorite Read

We "heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend" that GanjaScope℠ is President Trump's "favorite read." That's what friend #1 (initials IT) told us. Friend #2 (initials KC) reports that "Donald has someone read [Gan...

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Funny story: Presenting The Ganjascope℠, Your Horoscope on Pot

Presenting The Ganjascope℠, Your Horoscope on Pot

You hold in your hands (you're not still using a desk top, are you?) the astrological world's first Ganjascope℠, the horoscope that takes the logical out of astrological, that boldly goes where no other horoscope dares to tread (yes, the Ganjascope℠...

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Funny story: Horoscope Was Wrong

Horoscope Was Wrong

A man who had nothing better to do than waste time flicking through the pages of a newspaper, read what turned out to be an incorrect and, indeed, misleading horoscope yesterday afternoon. Moys Kenwood, 56, was immersed in the day-to-day tittle-ta...

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Funny story: New York Woman’s Horoscope Exceeds Expectations

New York Woman’s Horoscope Exceeds Expectations

Craving guidance one Tuesday morning at work, Ellen Payne, a Gemini living in New York City, turned to her daily horoscope. Disappointingly, she found her general horoscope to be rather basic and vague, as was her love horoscope. But when she clicked...

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Funny story: New Study Casts Doubt on Science of the Stars

New Study Casts Doubt on Science of the Stars

A new study just released by the Institute of Actual Science casts doubt on the validity of the age-old practice of astrology, which seeks to divine information about human character and affairs from the movements and relative positions of celestial...

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Funny story: Couple Files for Divorce over Sudden Zodiac Sign Change

Couple Files for Divorce over Sudden Zodiac Sign Change

Fort Lee, NJ - A couple who just celebrated their 30th anniversary has decided to divorce due to a recent change in Zodiac signs. The couple concluded they are no longer compatible due to the recent NASA change, which adds Ophiuchus for birthdays fr...

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Funny story: Spoof Horoscopes for September 2012

Spoof Horoscopes for September 2012

Aries March 21st - April 19th Your must win at any cost attitude must be kerbed this September, for the sake of the less violent people around you, and to help prevent the high risk levels from the 4th to the 11th, of your making yourself look a bigger prat than usual. Especially if fail to think before talking! Your silent but deadly passing of wind, will reach new heights around the 14th,...

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Funny story: Bank of America Joins Forces with Astrology.web to Introduce Automatic Fortune Teller Machine

Bank of America Joins Forces with Astrology.web to Introduce Automatic Fortune Teller Machine

Bank of America, in partnership with Astrology.web, recently announced its latest initiative: the Automatic Fortune Teller Machine, which combines modern-day financial technology with age-old astrological principles. Millions of AFTMs will become ava...

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Funny story: Horoscopes Are A Complete Waste Of Time - Local Man Asserts

Horoscopes Are A Complete Waste Of Time - Local Man Asserts

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today came out with a full on assault against people who believe in horoscopes, runes, tarot cards, and what he described as 'related tomfoolery.' "It's absolute numptyism is that," Shuttlecock told reporters. "Nobod...

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Funny story: Astrologists, Tattoo Parlors Cash In On Horoscope Shake-up.

Astrologists, Tattoo Parlors Cash In On Horoscope Shake-up.

Astrologists and tattoo artists are cashing in on the first innovation to their bullsh-t pseudo-science in 3,000 years, following the recent news that the traditional Zodiac schedule was changing. Astronomer Parke Kunkle, who spent the day masturb...

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Funny story: If You Were Born in Early December, Your Zodiac Sign is Now a Penis With Eyes

If You Were Born in Early December, Your Zodiac Sign is Now a Penis With Eyes

So, some a--hole has decided that, because of a change in the universe, and global warming and all, the zodiacs have changed. In fact, now there are 13 signs. This new one is called Ophiuchus, which was named for Imhotep, the guy Billy Zane played in The Mummy*. The zodiac sign for Ophiuchus is a bald snake, again patterned after Billy Zane. Scorpio is now 6 days long, and all of the othe...

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Funny story: Star Sign Reassignment Continues To Promote Controversy

Star Sign Reassignment Continues To Promote Controversy

Astrologers remain divided about the increasing number of people choosing to undergo Star Sign Reassignment. As little as ten years ago it was believed that natal charts were fixed at the time of birth, and that lives would inevitably follow the c...

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Funny story: Your Stars This Week: Libra

Your Stars This Week: Libra

By our resident astrologer, Liberty Nebulae. You are well known for being indecisive - but you must be firm. Grab opportunity by the forelock, my lovely Libra darlings. Yes! Smack that smart-arse get at work who keeps nicking your coffee and swans around chatting up the birds - give him a right good twatting! He's been asking for it for years, hasn't he? Didn't he blame you for that cock-up...

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Funny story: Workplace Horoscopes

Workplace Horoscopes

ASTROLOGY: Tells us about you and your future simply by your birthday. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of your birth. Demographics tell us what you like, dislike, whom you vote for, what you buy, and what you watch on TV. Well, the Corporate Zodiac goes a step further: simply by your job title, people will have you all figured out... MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketi...

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