Ugly Cunt Still Ugly Cunt Despite New Haircut

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Wednesday, 20 May 2020

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Despite getting a trendy Peaky Blinders-style haircut, local man, Gary Porter, was still being referred to as an 'ugly cunt' by friends, family, and co-workers alike.

"It doesn't change anything," said his mother, Gladys. "He can wear fashionable clothes, walk around in expensive clothes, drive a flash car, get his hair cut; but it changes nothing. He is still a hideous-looking young man."

His father, Pat, was equally unimpressed with his son's new look. "I always said, even when he was a baby, that he was one ugly-looking bastard. To be honest, I'm ashamed to admit that he came from my loins."

Best friend, Dave Jackall, told reporters, "We all got the haircut, you know, to look cool and shit, but I'll be honest, Gaz has still got a munter of a boat race. No haircut can hide the fact he is an abhorrent-looking cunt."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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