Major Tom "Over the Moon" at Promotion

Written by Gerry Hatrick

Thursday, 30 April 2020

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STAR MAN: Tom's next venture is in space

A WAR veteran who raised millions for the NHS by walking around his house has been promoted in rank from captain to major.

Major Tom Moore says his next venture is in space, where he hopes to go around his capsule "in a most peculiar way".

The national hero has really made the grade, with papers wanting to know whose pacemaker he wears.

At a news conference, the frail Major said: "You know, I'm past 100,000 years, so I'm feeling very ill."

His voice faltering, he added: "My fingers are all blue, and there's nothing I can do."

His head then dropped and he failed to respond to questions. "Can you hear me, Major Tom?" reporters desperately asked. "Can you hear me, Major Tom?"

"Oh, yes," he said finally. "My hearing aid was just turned down."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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