World's First Breathe-a-thon Attempt

Funny story written by Gerry Hatrick

Monday, 27 April 2020

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NON-STOP: Archie hopes to breathe for two days

A CHARITY worker has come up with a novel way of raising funds - a sponsored breathe-in.

The idea is to keeping breathing for a marathon 48 hours - non-stop.

Archie Tipple said: “I know it’s a long time. I don't think it's been done before, so if I can keep it up, it might be in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Mr Tipple had to convince his wife, Marjory, about doing the stunt.

“Well, I thought he was nuts,” she said. “What happens if something goes wrong? He could fall over or something!”

Mr Tipple came up with the idea of raising money for food banks when he saw a news item about an old man who raised millions by walking around his house.

"I thought, if you can raise shed-loads of money for that, why not breathing? Yoga teachers do it all the time."

Mr Tipple says his breathing activities go back to when he was a child.

“I remember running on the beach. All of a sudden, I got a bit breathless. That’s when I realised I could do this breathing. Then I told my school pals. I said: ‘Listen up everyone! I’ve got a cool trick to show you!’ They gathered round, and I showed them. Then they beat me up. Envy is a sad thing.”

If his breathe-a-thon is successful, Mr Tipple thinks he may take things further.

“I think I may enter for America’s Got Talent or one of those competitions. Of course, I will have to get an agent. Then I’ve got ideas to become a breathing coach. Yoga teachers make loads of money from it, so why shouldn’t I?”

And his tips for anyone thinking about following in his footsteps?

“Try to avoid underwater attempts, or anywhere in outer space.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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