Idiot, Wayne Hemmings, from charming village Mithering on the Trent, spends the first hour of every day washing his hands.
'The way I see it,' said the blithely-ignorant muppet, 'if I spend the time I am meant to be washing my hands and do it all at once, I save a lot of time, effort and water.'
He told us this while scratching his nose. Taking out last week's tissue from his unwashed trousers, he continued: 'I am doing what is asked of me.'
His son, Hetherington, said: 'My dad is always like this. He once ate all of the butter he thought would last a year in one day. He is right, it saves time, but he is a walking health-risk, for everyone. Don't even ask him about the Rolex he bought. He's an idiot. I never really knew where I got my brains from, at times'.
Hetherington is an idiot as well, just not as much of one as his dad.