Government presses for royal belt-tightening as Queen spends £13.50 in public house

Funny story written by Clive Danton

Tuesday, 31 December 2019

image for Government presses for royal belt-tightening as Queen spends £13.50 in public house

A government financial body has urged the royal household to kerb excessive spending as it was revealed that the Queen, accompanied by Prince Philip, spent £13.75 last Saturday night in a local pub close to Sandringham where the couple are spending the festive season.

The House Of Commons Accounts Committee issued a statement last night strongly criticising the use of public funds by Her Majesty, on what they describe as, “frivolous jaunts”.

The report alleges that The Queen splashed out £13.50 on 2 pints of light and bitter, and a Sambuca “Depth Charge” cocktail, while the Duke spent almost £30 on pints of snakebite.

Her Majesty then went on to play 3 games of bar billiards with her husband, costing 50p a frame.

The Committee’s report also makes the claim that Prince Philip had a number of unsuccessful goes on the fruit machine costing a further £7.

A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace told reporters last night:
“Yes it’s correct that Her Majesty and the Duke Of Edinburgh went out for a quiet drink down their local last Saturday, and that a small sum was spent on drink and a couple of pub games.

“However, what the people of this country should also know, is that The Duke had earlier won £40 on the horses for an outlay of just £10 on a 4/1 shot at Kempton Park, and that it was this money that was used to fund the night out, and not monies from the public purse.”

He then left without taking questions as journalists pressed him on alleged claims that Prince Philip had also spent £2.00 on a packet of strawberry-flavoured condoms in the gents toilets, and that they’d both had a large doner kebab with salad and chilli sauce in the cab on the way home, costing a whopping £8.90.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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