I'll wed Queen when Philip's dead: David Beckham's shock vow

Written by Clive Danton

Sunday, 29 December 2019

image for I'll wed Queen when Philip's dead: David Beckham's shock vow
Becks and The Queen pictured at last year's Royal Variety Performance

In a surprise move, soccer legend, David Beckham, has revealed that, when Prince Philip dies, he will divorce his wife, Victoria, and marry the widowed monarch, as long as he is crowned King as part of the deal.

Speaking to Men's Health magazine, Becks, 67, said: "Let's face it, Prince Philip's in a shit state these days, and looks pretty likely to topple off the perch at some point in the very near future.

"I'm therefore going to divorce my missus and step into the void left by the Duke when he's no longer with us.

"I realise it's a lot of responsibility, and that I'll have to open art galleries and shit like that, but it'll be worth it to become the 2nd King David after that bloke in the Bible.

"I'm just hoping the Queen won't expect me to have sex with her too often.

"I mean to say, she's getting on a bit these days, and is way past her best, although I would definitely have given her one in her younger days, if I didn't have a match the day after, of course."

Meanwhile, fears are growing about the ailing Duke's condition as reports are coming in that he has now gone 4 days at Sandringham without insulting any of the foreign staff.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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