UK to build migrant pipe under Channel

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Saturday, 26 October 2019

image for UK to build migrant pipe under Channel
An artist's impression of Britain's proposed immigrant pipe system

The UK government has announced that it will build a new pipeline for immigrants under the English Channel. The pipe will handle Britain's post-Brexit immigration policy, and will have "hot" and "cold" taps to regulate the flow of different types of migrant.

A government spokesman explained, "Britain currently imports 20,000 tonnes of immigrants every year, who create about 70,000 tonnes of cash. However, the government have been trying to cut down those numbers for a while now, and feel that the best solution is through large-scale plumbing infrastructure."

Other countries already have similar solutions - for example, Switzerland has an immigrant luge which has proven very popular. And before the bridge was built between the two countries, Sweden used to accept immigrants from Denmark by catapult.

PM Boris Johnson believes his immigrant pipeline will be a vote winner, because "we can always turn it off if the country's xenophobia level increases further, or if the tabloids start yelling."

The pipe will be built by Eastern European immigrants, and will include a deportation flush valve for immigrants to be sent back home again.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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