RNLI Aye Aye

Written by Backandtotheleft

Monday, 16 September 2019

image for RNLI Aye Aye
Pictured: Africa!

Racist Brits were in uproar toady, after it was discovered 2p in every pound raised for the RNLI would go abroad to help those in need, with hundreds of people with little else to do vowing to start and then cancel a direct debit to the RNLI.

With Brexit fever taking a strong grip on the country, thousands cried out as one, at the very idea of a “dirty foreigner” possibly being saved from drowning by British-funded projects.

Lillian Matthison of Chinswid Upon Sea said: "It’s a bloody disgrace! Why don’t they just take a massive shit on the Cenotaph, and let “Jerry” march free and easy down Oxford Street? We didn’t do that in the war, and I bloody well won’t be starting now!"

It was an incoherent and rampantly-stupid response, but one we’d come to expect from Brits these days.

The RNLI have been blasted by such influential Brexiteer patriots such as Tim Martin (enchanted, cider-soaked, scarecrow of shit workers’ rights) and, of course, Nigel Farage (we hadn’t heard from him in a while) both saying in unison:

"It’s a slap in the face for the ordinary, hardworking, patriotic Brit. That money could be put to use at bodies of water all over our fair and green England. There are baths, right now, out there that are unattended by RNLI members. Why? Because they’ve given YOUR hard-earnt cash to unelected mobsters hanging around the African subcontinent. So next time you leave your baby in the bath and go out for a few drinks, and then that session turns into a 48-hour bender and you return to find your baby dead….well, you know who to blame then: the RNLI."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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