Anti-Boris Johnson Mob Dispersed By Army

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 26 July 2019

image for Anti-Boris Johnson Mob Dispersed By Army
People 'milling about' near Boris Johnson's bunker this morning

London: Army personnel have been drafted in to disperse protesters angry at the appointment of Boris Johnson to the head of the Conservative Party, and, as a consequence, to the position of British prime minister.

The protesters, who had come with water bombs, stinkbombs, rotten eggs, squishy tomatoes, rotting cauliflowers, a putrid mixture of carrot and potato peelings, and crisp packets full of dogshit, had converged on Whitehall, and were threatening to make the area look a bit like Walford Market.

An army sergeant barked something to a group of soldiers, and they moved in to quell a disturbance in which several members of the plebeian section of society had gathered, and were speaking in tones that were not as hushed as is required from their class in this part of the capital.

Several were led away.

Mr Johnson, speaking from his bunker, had already said that he would deal severely with unruly elements in society, and appears to be keeping his word.

He appeared briefly on the newly-built balcony at 10 Downing Street, to speak to a crowd that was either cheering or jeering, and denied suggestions that he was trying to recreate an air of 1930s Germany in Britain.

He then ordered an adjutant to install "Maschinengewehre!" on the rooftops.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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