Over 11,000 people over the age of 100 will be stripped of their free TV licenses under a Tory government, in what seems like another instalment in the magic ritual to resurrect their blood God. Pensioners everywhere have said how much of an effect i...
An online government petition for the UK to leave the EU immediately has received only 3 signatures so far, after it was well-publicised in national media. In contrast, a petition to revoke article 50 and remain in the EU has received over 4 million...
Today it has come to national attention that a local Council will seek the execution of a pensioner who built a shed on the beach, fixed the road and stopped people dumping rubbish. As the plot unravels in the mainstream media it appears as though...
Pensioners from all over the UK are admitting their addiction to internet pornography and on-line gambling. A spokesman for Age Matters, said their call centre in Swansea is receiving upwards of 15,000 calls per day from old folk whose problems are o...
Former holiday destination Morecambe in the far North West of England is back in the running with the entire town becoming the latest Ageworld Theme Town. Featuring a Euthanasia beach with deadly riptides and quicksand, fleets of mobility scooter...
The Transport Minister, Patrick McLoughlin has had very large exit information signs with huge lettering fitted onto exits on the M25 motorway. Yesterday tens of thousands of missing pensioners including Vince Cable and Kenneth Clark, streamed of...
Wait for it - Prepare yourself. It is going to be COLD this winter! Spoof's meter logical expert has been up on the roof of our vast headquarters - somewhere in the UK - and tells us that the logic of his meter is quite clear: It is going to be CO...
Teen heartthrobs One Direction's future looks uncertain as they remain stuck on their tour bus in Thirsk, North Yorkshire. They have been trapped in the town since Thursday afternoon, when the driver was unable to negotiate his way out of the central...
"Look Sir, we have searched the house and I can tell you, hand on heart, he is not here". "Don't believe it, the silly sod has got drunk and fallen down a crevice somewhere". "I understand the grounds are quite extensive but my officers and I have had a good look". "Did you check the old out houses and the barn?" "Yes sir, every possible nook and cranny has been searched, he is not her...
Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...
Pensioners are to be mean-tested to see how mean they really are when the going gets tough. Many grumpy old men and women are already very mean, since they have been practising for years. "My granddad is really, really mean," said 8-year-old Ch...
This article, was designed by the effervescent, disconsolate, decrepit, depressed Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure, loneliness, depression, and being overcharged fo...
This article, was designed by Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure. It is not intended as a solution for the those who are about to lose their concentration, bladder...
Washington DC - Lobbyists around the capital are pushing the Congress to enact new legislation to curb what they see is an attitude of blatant entitlement. According to our source, Representative Crass Raftgay, banks want to put an end to entitl...
Texting for the over 60's. The rioting, mugging, unemployed, alcoholic, smoking, drug-taking, spoilt youths and kids of today, have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes suitable for the more mature, decrepit, and coffin-seeking Senior Citizens of today. AFE - Another Fart Escaped ATD - At the Doctor's ATM - All The Medications BAS - Burnt Ano...
Our nations' pensioners are sure to throw their arms into the the air, in despair, if they're able to, after one of them was unceremoniously ejected from and subsequently banned from all 'First' bus services for the rest of her life, what's left of i...
A small village in Sussex has been blighted by an invasion of Amazonian Piranha fish. The pond that dominates the centre of the village has seen a decline in its wildlife over the past six months with reports of duck and swan suddenly disappearing...
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