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Funny satire stories about Pensioners

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Local Council to seek Death Penalty for rogue pensioner that built a shed on the beach

Funny story: Local Council to seek Death Penalty for rogue pensioner that built a shed on the beach

Today it has come to national attention that a local Council will seek the execution of a pensioner who built a shed on the beach, fixed the road and stopped people dumping rubbish. As the plot unravels in the mainstream media it appears as though...

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UK's pensioners spending billions on on-line gambling and pornography says Age Matters

Funny story: UK's pensioners spending billions on on-line gambling and pornography says Age Matters

Pensioners from all over the UK are admitting their addiction to internet pornography and on-line gambling. A spokesman for Age Matters, said their call centre in Swansea is receiving upwards of 15,000 calls per day from old folk whose problems are o...

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Morecambe becomes Ageworld Theme Town

Funny story: Morecambe becomes Ageworld Theme Town

Former holiday destination Morecambe in the far North West of England is back in the running with the entire town becoming the latest Ageworld Theme Town. Featuring a Euthanasia beach with deadly riptides and quicksand, fleets of mobility scooter...

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Transport Minister McLoughlin says traffic volume on M25 halved by removal of lost pensioners

Funny story: Transport Minister McLoughlin says traffic volume on M25 halved by removal of lost pensioners

The Transport Minister, Patrick McLoughlin has had very large exit information signs with huge lettering fitted onto exits on the M25 motorway. Yesterday tens of thousands of missing pensioners including Vince Cable and Kenneth Clark, streamed of...

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Winter Weather Shock

Funny story: Winter Weather Shock

Wait for it - Prepare yourself. It is going to be COLD this winter! Spoof's meter logical expert has been up on the roof of our vast headquarters - somewhere in the UK - and tells us that the logic of his meter is quite clear: It is going to be CO...

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One Direction bus causes Right nightmare

Funny story: One Direction bus causes Right nightmare

Teen heartthrobs One Direction's future looks uncertain as they remain stuck on their tour bus in Thirsk, North Yorkshire. They have been trapped in the town since Thursday afternoon, when the driver was unable to negotiate his way out of the central...

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The Missing Link

Funny story: The Missing Link

"Look Sir, we have searched the house and I can tell you, hand on heart, he is not here". "Don't believe it, the silly sod has got drunk and fallen down a crevice somewhere". "I understand the grounds are quite extensive but my officers and I have had a good look". "Did you check the old out houses and the barn?" "Yes sir, every possible nook and cranny has been searched, he is not her...

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Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Funny story: Choc ice slur man makes stand against racism, by kicking "Kick Racism Out Of Football" out of football

Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist claims he felt embarrassed after Choc ice slur man had made the decision despite Gin soaked senile, ex trade unionist telling the media in his pre-match press conference that all of his players would support the c...

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Government plans to mean-test pensioners

Pensioners are to be mean-tested to see how mean they really are when the going gets tough. Many grumpy old men and women are already very mean, since they have been practising for years. "My granddad is really, really mean," said 8-year-old Ch...

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Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 2

Funny story: Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterswaithe Part 2

This article, was designed by the effervescent, disconsolate, decrepit, depressed Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure, loneliness, depression, and being overcharged fo...

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Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterwaithe

Funny story: Advice, Support & Tips for those entering old age - from Bartholomew Utterwaithe

This article, was designed by Bartholomew Utterwaithe (66), to offer help, support, succour and advice to those of the population who are entering their 60's - in an effort to lessen the culture-shock suffered by many, when they also get made redundant at 62 years of age, then suffer heart failure. It is not intended as a solution for the those who are about to lose their concentration, bladder...

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Banks push for entitlement reform

Funny story: Banks push for entitlement reform

Washington DC - Lobbyists around the capital are pushing the Congress to enact new legislation to curb what they see is an attitude of blatant entitlement. According to our source, Representative Crass Raftgay, banks want to put an end to entitl...

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Texting Codes for the over 60's Defined!

Funny story: Texting Codes for the over 60's Defined!

Texting for the over 60's. The rioting, mugging, unemployed, alcoholic, smoking, drug-taking, spoilt youths and kids of today, have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes suitable for the more mature, decrepit, and coffin-seeking Senior Citizens of today. AFE - Another Fart Escaped ATD - At the Doctor's ATM - All The Medications BAS - Burnt Ano...

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Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Funny story: Mad Old Woman Banned From First Buses

Our nations' pensioners are sure to throw their arms into the the air, in despair, if they're able to, after one of them was unceremoniously ejected from and subsequently banned from all 'First' bus services for the rest of her life, what's left of i...

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Piranha invade Sussex pond

Funny story: Piranha invade Sussex pond

A small village in Sussex has been blighted by an invasion of Amazonian Piranha fish. The pond that dominates the centre of the village has seen a decline in its wildlife over the past six months with reports of duck and swan suddenly disappearing...

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Local Entrepreneur Offers To Help Fuel Allowance Redistribution

Funny story: Local Entrepreneur Offers To Help Fuel Allowance Redistribution

Don't need your pensioner's winter fuel allowance? Want to help someone who needs it more? Well a local businessman is offering to take the hassle out of redistributing the annual government hand-out. The scheme comes after a debate in the Hous...

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The Only Way Is Worthing

Funny story: The Only Way Is Worthing

Soixante Neuf Films is promising "new birds and blokes" in it's latest reality programme The Only Way Is Worthing. A host of glamorous locations have been lined up, including the Worthing Pavilion Bowls Club, where 93 year old Doris Slapper, a re...

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Worthing Prepares For Invasion Of Littlehampton Gang

Funny story: Worthing Prepares For Invasion Of Littlehampton Gang

Sussex Police were on high alert today preparing to defuse trouble between rival sets of south coast gangs in Worthing. Residents of the resort are anxiously awaiting the arrival of gangs of pensioners from along the coast at Littlehampton. "We...

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