Shamima Begum's Baby Looks A Bit Shifty

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 18 February 2019

image for Shamima Begum's Baby Looks A Bit Shifty
He's so cute!

Shamima Begum, the Bethnal Green teenager who left the UK, aged 15, to go and join Islamic State in Syria, has had her baby, and, to be perfectly honest, it looks 'a bit shifty'.

Begum, now 19, is currently trying to convince the UK authorities that she is less of a potential psychotic murderess than they imagine she might be, so that they will allow her to return to London, and her lawyers have described her as "damaged".

We should all, we have been advised, have a certain amount of sympathy for her.

The baby, a boy, would, in time, have to be allocated a place at one of the childcare facilities in the Bethnal Green area, but, already, children as young as two are up in arms about the threat to their safety. One, Matthew, aged 3, said:

"Baby Begum looks scary! We don't want his sort in our nursery! We'll be having to check his satchel for explosives every morning!"

Another, Millie, aged 4, spoke softly as she asked:

"Who knows what training he's already undergone?"

Many children felt the same, and one even asked:

"Will Baby Begum grow up to be like his mum? I hope not, because, to be perfectly honest, she looks a little bit shifty, herself!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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