Prince Philip Silverstone Formula One Day Out Has Villagers In A State Of Panic

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 10 February 2019

image for Prince Philip Silverstone Formula One Day Out Has Villagers In A State Of Panic
Stay indoors, please!

There was drama in the Buckinghamshire village of Silverstone this morning, when the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, turned up at the racing circuit for 'one last drive' before he hangs up his driving gloves, and calls it quits behind the wheel of a car.

The Duke, 97, has been banned from driving for life, after recent skirmishes on the road, but the Queen, knowing how this was likely to affect him, decided to treat him to 'one last throw of the dice', and spoke to staff at the track last week.

But local residents are not happy.

The thought of the senile prince tearing around at speeds of up to 180mph within spinning-off distance of their homes, made several people worried.

Janice Windsor, no relative of the Royals, said:

"I've got kids, and I quite like them. I certainly don't want them becoming roadkill for this dotty old bugger who doesn't know when it's time to pack it in!"

Another resident, local blacksmith, Ted Smelt, said:

"There ought to be a maximum age limit for driving. I ask you, these priviliged toffs, swanning around spending taxpayers' money satisfying their every whim - he ought to get a job!"

In truth, nobody needed to have worried. Leaflets were delivered to all the households in a two-mile radius of the Silverstone track, informing residents of the Duke's impending visit, and advising them to stay indoors, along with any well-loved pets.

During Philip's joyride, a police helicopter circled overhead to warn anyone foolish enough to have gone anywhere near Silverstone of the danger they were in. In the event, there were no casualties, apart from some trees.

One man, at least, was happy. Publican, Arthur Pint, landlord of the White Horse Inn, laughed:

"There was never much chance of him doing much harm to the village - it's a full kilometre from the track. He came in here afterwards, and bought three rounds for everyone in the pub, which was nice. Mind you, it's all the daft buggers like us who are paying his wages!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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