Written by K.C. Bell

Thursday, 29 November 2018

image for The Word Queen Elizabeth Hates
"I did not burp!"

It has been revealed, by secret palace sources, that Queen Elizabeth II dislikes the word, shhhhh: pregnant. Not actually being pregnant, but just the word pregnant.

The Queen has been pregnant four times. Her four children have been pregnant eight times. Four of her grandchildren pregnant eight times. Adding up to twenty times the word pregnant has been officially announced during her reign.

She should have come to terms with pregnant and ignore it as easily as a sigh. Instead, the Queen appears to have a distaste for the word as one would have for a loud public burp made at an official tiara-wearing state dinner.

The Queen prefers the term, In the family way. Ambiguous, as one might be referring to the way a family traditionally prepares a pot roast or plum pudding. In the family way could under-shoot the situation.

If one of Queen Elizabeth’s Corgis were pregnant, would the Queen announce that her Corgy was In the family way, or instead say, "That bitch is pregnant"? 'Bitch' is a term used by dog owners to refer to lady dogs. Lady dogs dislike the word.

In Spanish, the word for pregnancy is encinita. In French it is enceinte, and Italians say incinta. The three are similar, sweet to the ear and sound like a leaping ballet step. However, the Germans say schwange. Schwange sounds like a public burp.

Biblically, it is with child.

Women attempted to sanitize the situation by saying, She's PG. Which could have been the abbreviation for, She’s Pretty Good. Instead, it meant, She's pregnant, with child, or schwange.

The latest term is, We're pregnant! The guy isn’t pregnant. He’s totally out of the pregnancy picture. One would require a microscope to view his contribution. There is no WE in pregnancy. Even the aforementioned schwanged is preferable.

We're pregnant is almost as annoying as, We're trying to get pregnant. Does that mean they’re going through a daily monotonous routine, like trying to move a piano up a staircase? It’s a task? No romance?

That lady is definitely going to get schwanged.

The Queen just burped.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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