MP porn still Britain's favourite genre

Saturday, 8 December 2018

image for MP porn still Britain's favourite genre
A man tries to vote without being molested by politicians

It is an obscure brand of pornography, invented in the 1970s, and uniquely British, and based around a centuries-old law that it is illegal to have sex with your local MP. The law was lifted in 1995, but the taboo continues. Videos of members of the public having sex with their MP (usually a younger woman with an older man) have been top-sellers in the industry for years, and porn producers are baffled at the continued popularity of the formula.

Browse the video section of your local porn shop, and you will find classic MP porn films such as "Up The Ballot Box", "Secrets of a Polling Officer", and "Constituency Boundary Sluts 7". Many of them have stereotypical storylines, often involving an MP driving round in a "shag-wagon" announcing themselves over a megaphone to any housewives unsure of who to vote for.

In "General Erection Fever", a local MP is canvassing door-to-door with a giant rosette on his chest, when a horny secretary pulls him inside to hear about his "big manifesto". And to have sex with him.

"Withdrawing The Whip" takes a less direct approach, and begins with an MP taking visitors at his local political surgery. There is a 10-minute discussion on funding the NHS, before the worried nurse finally gets on her knees to fellate her MP so that he will promise not to demolish the hospital.

A UK survey in November has found that MP porn is still the public's number one genre, ahead of Mongolian gardening, dwarf trampolining and police helmets.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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