Gary Worthington, 48, a decorated accountant for a leading paperclip manufacturer, has told anyone who will listen about his plans to become a bodyguard.
'I was watching that programme, the Bodyguard, expecting Kevin Costner to pop out, oooh, err, missus at any time, and I thought that is what I want to do. Winning around your family again to your heroic ways, while bringing down a whole government is what I would like to do. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but I have seen enough paper clips now. I have been here since I was 16 after all.'
Worthington's wife, Gladys (yes, you are as surprised as we are!) said 'That's my Gary, always wanting what he can't have. Like his conjugal rights this evening'.