Boris: "Brexit will be a success if only everyone who opposes it would shut up"

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

image for Boris: "Brexit will be a success if only everyone who opposes it would shut up"
Not another Brexit article

Minister for Malapropism and head clown Boris Johnson made a controversial speech today, in which he claimed that the success or failure of Brexit had nothing to do with his government's negotiations with the EU. Instead, he said, it rested entirely on the heads of ordinary British people who still complained about the narrowly-won referendum in 2016.

"We could definitely make a fist of it," waffled the tousle-haired buffoon. "But the dissenting voices are making us look as if the country is divided. Instead we should unite around the decision and never speak about it again. It's hard to negotiate a good deal knowing that there are people back home who are not involved in the negotiations at all but who are constantly talking about how we shouldn't even be doing this."

Johnson is one of many MPs who have suggested that a deregulated Britain would be able to take advantage of a "less free labour market". He then went on to compare Brexit to the reintroduction of slavery. "Of course people objected to slavery at the time, but if they had just kept quiet and gone along with it, then it would all have worked swimmingly."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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