Boris and the Mail

Funny story written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 11 January 2018

Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, has blasted Virgin Railways for banning the Daily Mail. Or as we at Back and to the Left news refer to it as "A Rag for people who love racism to have a wank over".
Boris, who looked like he'd been drinking but he always looks like that so fuck knows, said:

I can't believe this!

We looked to what he was pointing at and noticed two homeless people asking for change outside the cafe we were sat in.

Are they actually allowed to just "hang around" like that?

We'd like to think explaining the homelessness situation to the man would kick start some compassion within. But alas it was of course pointless. He was a career Tory politician. It would be like trying to teach shit not to smell. He went on to say:

You've got some upstart at Virgin banning the Daily Mail because it doesn't fit in with their values. Where were their values when Branson was suing the NHS? What? What?


No! What! What! It's a very common expression.

Who gives a shit if they've banned the Daily Mail? It's a paper that seems to love NAZI's and maybe, quite possibly (to avoid another case of slander) gives the impression that it's journalists and by extension it's readers don't like the company of anyone who's not a white Christian.

Exactly! Look I'm a Foreign Secretary and I hate foreigners, however
I wouldn't mind getting my hands on a foreign secretary or two myself! What! What! The Daily Mail peddles fear and hate and if there's one thing that's going to get my giblets up it's a good double dose of F and H! What! What! Let them read it on the trains.
Let them read it on the bus. Let them read it in their homes so the fear can permeate through your four walls of supposed safety.

He was standing on a table by this point before fixing us with dead shark eyes that had never known pity and said;

If you fear them you'll come running to us

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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