Referendum exit poll results have revealed that most Scots only realised that they were part of the U.K. when they read the referendum question.
Traumatised voters were yesterday reported to be queuing up in their thousands for post traumatic stress therapy at local care centres throughout the country. An investigation by S.T.V revealed that 99% of Scottish men and women were deliberately told by their parents that the Scottish people ruled Scotland and not some Old Etonian wanker.
Thinking that the referendum was some kind of census, almost every voter heard the news that they were part of the U.K. broken to them gently by specially trained psychologists before they approached the ballot box. "We didn't want them to find out from idle gossip that David Cameron was their Prime Minister", a therapist said this morning.