Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

image for US numerologists predict Scots Nationalists will lose by 911,000 votes
Put a pony on it for me, George

New York - Number crunchers at a hush-hush US federal agency are betting on making a shedload of $$$s out of Thursday's Scottish independence vote.

At odds of 911/1 with online spread betting site Aintgottaprayer.con their million bucks punt says the Nationalists will lose by at least 911,000 votes.

Complex algorithms are rumored to be involved in the calculation, the result of 18 months' covert surveillance of the Scottish political elite.

This morning confidence was running sky high for the gang of federal geeks who last cleaned up during the 2012 Winter Solstice by betting on the Mayan Calendar prediction being worthless crap.

"Thursday's poll date of 9/18/2014 triggers something called the numerology sods law generator," spokesperson Wally Numbnuts told QM NewsCorpse reporters, "whose square root is exactly 911,000."

The blatant science of it all has seen bookmakers slash odds on further betting of Thursday's vote, with the 'NO' campaign quoted as even money favorite to smash the separatists' pipedream.

A separate book is being opened on SNP leaders all going to jail before next Tuesday's Autumn Equinox.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
39 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more