With the prospect of tens of thousands more free loading immigrants heading to the UK from both Romania and Bulgaria, part-time PM Do-nothing-Dave has been warned of potential widespread civil unrest from the indigenous Brits unless he can get rid of them all.
Despite the average Brit being pretty docile when it comes to any form of mass protest Dave now realises that even the thickest of the thick are slowly waking up to the fact that the UK no longer resembles Great Britain as ANYONE knew it!
Knowing full well that his vermin Government is loathed by every man,woman and animal Dave cannot face the prospect of ending up in the dustbin of history after the 2015 elections. Thus, in order to remain in power he must get rid of the indigenous vote in favour of the immigrant one.
In order to continue dragging this once great nation back to the 18th Century and reducing it's inhabitants to the level of feudal serfs Dave has held an emergency 'Cobblers' meeting with all heads of UK 'Homeland Security'....Group 4, The TA, The Scouts, The Salvation Army, The remnants of the British Police Force and the Royal Voluntary Service, renown for their tea brewing prowess in times of stress and legendary blowjobs during the WW2 blackouts.
After several hours of verbal diarrhea , copious cups of tea, several packets of Digestive biscuits and Sam Cameron doing a cabinet room striptease 'plan A' has been officially sanctioned and seen as Dave's finest hour in an otherwise historically disastrous term of office.
After a swift reverse charge phone call to his opposite number in Canberra, Australia, namely ex-pom Tony 'budgie smuggler' Abbott a deal has been struck between the two mongrels.
In exchange for unlimited supplies of, Marmite, Kellogg Cornflakes, HP Brown Sauce, Heinz Baked Beans, Tena incontinence pads and other sorely missed UK items Tony will re-introduce the legendary £10 'assisted passage' scheme no questions asked.
The latter will allow the legions of poverty stricken indigenous poms direct entry into the land of Oz for the price of a packet of fags! Those who cannot afford the £10 will be given a 'free' voucher courtesy of Ian 'Clunkhead' Smiff and the DWP.
It is generally thought that most indigenous poms will take up the offer due to the abysmal quality of life, crap weather and inability to speak 5,000 different languages in the UK.
Meanwhile, Tony and his Oz cronies are contacting numerous Australian outback mining companies and ordering them to offer employment to the millions of poms expected to arrive within weeks and be forced to live in porta-cabins in the outback.
As Tony eloquently put it, "Only the Abbo's and Poms will survive the outback, us Australians don't give a Four-Fuckin' X for living in the dust and shit cobber!"
It is thought that Ryanair will get the Government contract to fly the millions of poms to Oz, by way of Calcutta and further understood that Ryanair boss, Michael O'Greedy is having all the seats ripped out of his planes. "Der more of der feckers we can pack onto one feckin' flight der better, more cost effective yer feckin' ejits!"
Thus, the promised land awaits and it is expected that the mass Exodus will commence in earnest within a few weeks of newspaper adverts appearing in the tabloids on page three!