UK Government to Reintroduce Window Tax

Funny story written by Caspar

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

image for UK Government to Reintroduce Window Tax

In a leaked document, made public by one of Britain's major newspapers earlier this week, it appears that the government, far from abolishing the so-called bedroom tax, is getting ready to reintroduce the window tax, last seen in the 18th and 19th centuries.

The window tax was originally introduced in England, Wales and Scotland in 1696, and only repealed in 1851. It imposed a tax system on houses, according to the number of windows the house had.

The leaked document in question allegedly contains a quote, allegedly from British prime minister, David Cameron, which allegedly says in part (allegedly), "What a wonderful way to get rich! We can tax every window in every house, and that's just the start. We can claim that the screen on a mobile phone is a window, not to mention the screens on PCs, laptops, iPads, wristwatches and everything else.

"Microwave ovens have screen too, as well as washing machines, dishwashers and other household appliances, and if a computer has Windows installed, we can tax every single program that opens in its own window! Not to mention that most families have a car with lots of windows too. This tax will just keep on pouring money into our pockets. Fucking brilliant!"

The prime minister was not available for comment today, but he was (allegedly) spotted in a pub in East Croydon, downing a few pints with the lads, sometimes also known as the cabinet, and grinning from ear to ear.

A spokesman for the government is quoted as saying: "This government has developed the fairest system of taxation this country has ever known. The so-called bedroom tax makes perfect sense whatever way you look at it. It ensures that people on benefits don't have the burden of extra rooms they are not using. After all, they would only have to hoover these extra rooms several times a week, not to mention the dusting and cleaning required. We have removed all that unnecessary work from them and lessened their overall responsibilities. When viewed in this light, only a fool could argue with this tax.

"As for the leaked document, I am unable to confirm or deny the possible reintroduction of the window tax. However, I will say that this would also be a very fair tax for a number of reasons that haven't been worked out yet. Allegedly ..."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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