Introducing the Hoscars

Written by Auntie Matter

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

image for Introducing the Hoscars
"The Hoscarettes" Dancing Group

LET THE HOCSARS BEGIN! What dat? Basically the House of Commons Oscars. Now that we all know that Labour and Tory are one and the same party like the Democrats-Republicans in the US, organizers of Miss World have, with the help of the Freemasons and British Petroleum instituted the HOSCARS.

This is anticipated to be a full gala event that will be launched by Gerry Adams of the Irish Sinn Fein Party who feels "honoured and privileged to be a part of it.".

First compere will be Hollywood actor Robin Williams who said he would be "delighted to bring a measure of levity to British politics. The British House of Commons are our great allies," he added.

As next year 2014 sees the first show of what is expected to be an annual star-studded event, submissions have been asked from all parties for candidates drawn over the last decade.

The eight categories are:
1. Marketing.
2. Speech writer.
3. Wardrobe.
4. Style and presentation.
5. Effectiveness of persuasion.
6. Intellectual content.
7. Emotional drama.
8. Humour and wit.

Leading contender in several categories is Maggie Thatcher for her October 10th 1980 speech with her "lady is not for turning", that proved inaccurate as a prediction but scored high in the seventh category and could well hand the gong for speech writer to Satan who is not expected to make an appearance in person but will certainly be there in spirit.

Another contender is Tony Blair's speech on the Iraq War of March 18th 2003 in which he stated that "Saddam had used the weapons against Iran, against his own people, causing thousands of deaths." As the current civilian death toll in Iraq after the invasion is 126,000+ not counting an estimated 100,000 wounded or killed American military casualties this has scored highly in the eighth category. However Tony is expected to take the Hocsar for category 5.

Saatchi and Saatchi are expected to clinch the Hocsar for the first category for their packaging of Maggie Thatcher although Armani is not without a shout given that so few women got to make any speeches in the last decade of any significance.

Gerry Springer in America has expressed interest in doing an American version.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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