Written by Herr Riballs

Friday, 26 July 2013

image for Cameron Immigration Crackdown
Terry Waite playing bagpipes yesterday

PM David Cameron last night warned of the dangers of unchecked immigration and erosion of the English way of life.


Speaking at a BNP rally he said "I'm not talking about the Polish plumber that wants to come here, nick our jobs and shaft our people. No, I am referring to those who do not integrate into our society or embrace our values. Those who make no effort to learn our language .... I am, of course, referring to the Scottish."


Plumber Piotr Wyzcliecza, 29, agrees with Mr Cameron. He said "I'm sick of it. Our country's not our own anymore. I remember when Britain was Great." He added "Now it's just Scottish people everywhere you look - reading the news, presenting the weather, playing tennis even. I can't understand a word they say but will they learn our language ? Will they balls" he fumed.


Karaoke performer, Gorupta Singh,*condemned what he sees as the 'Scottification' of English society. He argued "It's everywhere. It all started quite low key in the 80's with The Krankies and Take The High Road. I was ok with that and must admit I did have a soft spot for wee Jimmy Krankie til I found out she wasn't really a schoolboy. But then the pace of Scottish meddling accelerated with the arrival of Lorraine Kelly and Edinburgh Woollen Mill's springing up all over the place. It's a sinister ploy to make all things Scottish enter into the public consciousness. I think even McDonalds is from north of the border as well because of the 'Mc' although a Scottish 'Mc" might be 'Mac' I'm not sure."

David Cameron later confirmed that anybody ginger or with tendencies to eat haggis and play bagpipes will automatically have immigration applications revoked.

* Not his real name

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
85 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more