Nick Clegg is outed as a sock cooker

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 24 September 2012

image for Nick Clegg is outed as a sock cooker
No!!!! Don't cook me

In a speech to a LGBT conference Nick Clegg admitted that he cooked socks while at university.

"We were quite surprised," said Tanya Hyde, a lesbian from Lincoln. "Clegg kept going on and on about his sock cooking habits while he was a student. Like we were meant to be impressed, or something."

According to other witnesses, Clegg told the assembled group of lesbians, gays, bi-sexuals and transsexuals (explaining the LGBT acronym for those that didn't know), that he had cooked a lot of socks while he was at University.

"I was the biggest sock cooker on campus," Clegg is alleged to have said. "When people wanted their socks cooked, they would come to me."

Records do indicate that Nick Clegg was arrested for cooking a sock in a public place, but once it was discovered that he'd been cooking that sock under duress, he was let off with charge. The arresting officer has since admitted, that Clegg had cooked his socks also, and he enjoyed the sensation of cooked sock so much, the rumour is he let Clegg off Scott free.

Miriam Clegg, the wife of Nick, and not his sister (which is a scurrilous rumour for another article), has admitted that she knew about the sock cooking when she met him.

"Although I know he cooked socks," said Miriam, "I think this is an endearing trait. In this case, it's nothing he should apologise for."

Nick Clegg has since said that his sock cooking days are over.

"These days," he said, "I have enough money to have other people cook my socks."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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