Arsene Wenger To Change His Name To Big Dave Whitehead To Spite Harry Redknapp

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Monday, 4 July 2011

image for Arsene Wenger To Change His Name To Big Dave Whitehead To Spite Harry Redknapp
Cor Blimey Ave A Banana!

The incoming news is somewhat inconclusive, but it appears to be indicating that Arsenal boss, Arsene Wenger, is to change his name by deed poll to Big Dave Whitehead, in order to achieve a greater degree of Anglicisation, and to spite rival Cockney boss, Harry Redknapp, of Tottenham.

Sources are saying that Arsene (Big Dave) felt that he was losing his touch as a north London footballing guru following six trophyless seasons, and that he feels a need to reconnect with the common man, like what Harry Redknapp does on a regular basis.

So, although Arsene hasn't seen the paperwork yet, he appears to be convinced that he stands a greater chance of hanging on to half of his unsettled first team squad if he re-invents himself as Cockney gangsta style head coach, Big Dave Whitehead.

Sources indicate that Wenger (Whitehead) is taking the name change seriously, and that he's been following an intense Cockneyfication training regimen which involves drinking pints of bitter, eating pie and mash, jellied eels, Brick Lane bagels, and talking in rhyming slang.

One wag pointed out that 'Big Dave' had even approached an estate agent with a view to buying a property in Albert Square, Walford, but was horrified to discover that Walford doesn't actually exist.

When told of Wenger's imminent reincarnation as 'Big Dave Whitehead' Spurs boss Redknapp told reporters:

"I don't give a tom tit what that merchant banker does, cor blimey love a duck me old China. But if I see him dahn the old rub, a dub I'll hang one on his conk. Gordon Bennet, leave it aht mah sahn, innit an ting."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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