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Arsene Wenger signs new 25-year contract and plans 'Le Canard Mort' on retirement

The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, yesterday renewed his contract with the club for a further 25 years, taking him through to 2043 when he will be 94. Sipping Beaujolais Nouveau through a straw, his red and white Zimmer frame tucked away in the corn...

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Arsenals Date Change

Arsenal football club are a team, nay a city, in crisis! The club which has only won three FA cups in four years is on the verge of collapsing because of its lack of recent success. The big question is how will Arsenal players cope with playing on a...

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Jose's Mindset

Who would have thought throwing £300million at a team would change them from a terrible one to a decent one? Well everyone except Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho who firmly believes the sun revolves around his giant ego. The only surprise now...

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Cash conscious Arsenal's no cost, new player plan, gets the red card from Wenger!

Funny story: Cash conscious Arsenal's no cost, new player plan, gets the red card from Wenger!

The Arsenal board of directors voted overwhelmingly to provide long serving coach Arsene Wenger with the extra resources he requested to find new talent. They unanimously agreed to do this, by giving their supporters a chance to play in home games...

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Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

Funny story: Arsene Wenger's Arsenal get stuffed and who does he blame?

A sad, humble bunch of spineless, blank-firing Gunners led by their French fumbling manager got blown away yesterday by a flock of ravaging Eagles at the Palace last night! Now normally managers would concede honorably to such a defeat but, Messr...

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The Pog Returns

In the most surprising move of the summers transfer window amateur rapper, style icon and part time footballer Paul Pogba has joined Manchester United in a word record £105million quid deal. The deal was finally pushed through in the early hours o...

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Manchester City pay man £50m a year to remove pizza from Joe Hart's diet

Pep has been in place for a few weeks now and City's head honcho has managed to work out exactly why the team under achieved last season. Pizza. Yes, you can assume that City will not be announcing Pizza Express as their official Pizza Partner...

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The Boreiniho Effect

Funny story: The Boreiniho Effect

Despite England's glorious failure in the Euros English football fans can at least console themselves with the fact the Premier League season starts soon. The sheer amount of money sloshing around like diarrhoea in a bucket makes it impossible that w...

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Cameron offered Arsenal manager's job!

Funny story: Cameron offered Arsenal manager's job!

Ex-UK Prime Minister, David Cameron, has been offered to take over the reigns at Arsenal FC and replace their present French manager, and perennial loser, Arsene Wenger! Arsenal, used to imploding season after season under Wenger's rule, find Came...

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Arsenal Win But Real Madrid Have Ten Eropean Cups

Funny story: Arsenal Win But Real Madrid Have Ten Eropean Cups

A weird event happened in the world of football this weekend: Arsenal won away at one of the best teams in the country. After (if you read the football papers) a hundred and seventy five years and nearly a million games Arsenal finally managed to scr...

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Arsene Wenger defends Arsenal's proud principle of "losing"

Funny story: Arsene Wenger defends Arsenal's proud principle of "losing"

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger took offence during yesterdays press conference after the loss to Stoke City in the Premier League, when a journalist criticised the club for losing the match 3-2. The French manager took issue with the journalist talki...

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Arsene Wenger rings credit card fraud team after seeing Sanchez purchase on monthly bill

Funny story: Arsene Wenger rings credit card fraud team after seeing Sanchez purchase on monthly bill

Arsenal FC manager Arsene Wenger reported the theft of his credit card to his banks fraud team today. The football coach became suspicious that someone was using his card when coming across the £30 million purchase of Chilean striker Alexis Sanchez i...

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Giroud "4th is OK for Arsenal, and so is Miranda!"

Funny story: Giroud "4th is OK for Arsenal, and so is Miranda!"

After stating to ESPN that fourth place is good enough for Arsenal this season, Olivier Giroud has also revealed that he is fine with a cheese sandwich instead of a steak, and would settle for watching Miranda instead of Monty Python. Olivier also...

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Arsene Wenger spotted with chequebook out

Funny story: Arsene Wenger spotted with chequebook out

The news that we've been waiting all summer for finally happened last night. Not the birth of Royal baby George, or Gareth Bale joining Madrid, but at 8.34pm in the 'Going Loco-local' supermarket on Holloway High St, under fire Arsenal manager Arsene...

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Parliament recalled to deal with Arsenal transfer crisis

Funny story: Parliament recalled to deal with Arsenal transfer crisis

David Cameroon cut short his holiday last night to fly home and deal with the impending Premier League transfer crisis. 'Call Me Dave' and Sam-cam were topping up their tan on their fifteenth mini-break of the year, staying on the recently renamed...

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Liverpool FC: Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word for Suárez

Funny story: Liverpool FC: Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word for Suárez

Liverpool striker Luis Suárez has been placed on the naughty step until he apologizes to Manager Brendan Rodgers for attempting to make his career as a footballer better, more challenging and to accrue more money for himself, by orchestrating a move...

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Capital One Cup to introduce handicap system to make games more exciting

Funny story: Capital One Cup to introduce handicap system to make games more exciting

The Football League will meet today to decide on implementing a new rule to boost interest in the Capital One sponsored League Cup, which has routinely been dismissed by the big Premier League clubs since the introduction of the Champions League grou...

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Major row at Arsenal AGM over the charging of £13.90 for a portion of fish and chips!

Funny story: Major row at Arsenal AGM over the charging of £13.90 for a portion of fish and chips!

Emirates Stadium, North London: Last night at the Arsenal AGM (25th Oct 2012), there were feisty discussions on whether a trophy less Arsenal, had the right to charge £13.90 for a portion of fish and chips! Arsenal owner Stan Kroenke who was insi...

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