Just when Sepp Blatter thought it was safe to deposit slush-hush money in his Swiss bank account, a late, second candidate has blown in and declared himself for the controversial presidency of international football association FIFA.
The late Osama Bin Laden, a bearded man from Pakistan - although the authorities in Pakistan may like us to think otherwise - and a well known local sports personality, declared himself a candidate last last night.
Speaking deep from Hell province and surrounded by five irate mothers-in-law as opposed to the 72 virgins he was so adamant he would be surrounded by, he said that hell was "really hell, man". To avoid being hounded even further to death by these "five women", he said he'd rather take his chances at the hands - or feet - of the tattooed, spitting, shirt-over-head, binge-drinking football brigade.
He went on to say that his arrival in hell hadn't gone down like the bomb he thought it would do, and that the women were driving him to an early suicide. "I can see myself committing murder if I'm down here any longer" he quipped. "No wonder Captain Hook Hands-Ah chose the Belmarsh Prison alternative. Much smarter than he looks, the old basket case, I say."
