In surprisingly reflective mood, under fire Liverpool boss, Roy Hodgson, still smarting from a 2-0 derby defeat to local rivals Everton at Goodison Park, lay the blame squarely on Steven Gerrard's haircut.
"It was a distraction for the whole team," Hodgson grumbled. "Especially the back four. They can't reasonably be expected to perform when there's the constant distraction of Steven Gerrard's haircut."
Freelance hairdresser Teasy Winky Raygun told Skoob Sports News that in his opinion, Gerrard's haircut is an abomination.
"He looks like he's had the nit nurse run amok with a pair of pinking shears," he told us. "You can't expect his team mates to focus on getting a job done with a really shit haircut like that hovering about here there and everywhere. It's just not realistic."
Having said that, Gerrard's haircut couldn't be held responsible for Tim Cahill's opening goal (10-1 up the bookies and this writer was tempted, but passed because he's not a gambling man - bastards) or Arteta's second.
As Everton fans taunted their rivals with chants of, "Going down going down going down," their red counterparts were too shell shocked in their shell suits to even inform the world that they won it five times.
Which they almost invariably insist on informing everybody.
Even though we already know.
This reporter, for one, will have difficulty sleeping tonight, with the disturbing realisation that Liverpool currently languish second bottom in the Premiership.
And all because Steven Gerrard has a crap haircut.
You'd think with all that money he earns, he could at least afford to employ a decent hairdresser.
But not text her pictures of his underpants with a semi lurking beneath. Like what Ashley Cole did.
Allegedly.
More as we get it.
