It's the question on everyone's lips...has Manchester United and England striker Wayne Rooney been texting a 5 year old Romanian girl demanding a spitroast with her and an unnamed colleague?
The answer is, of course, no, but once wild baseless rumours start on the internet we all know how hard they become to quash and as a result; people often claim there's no smoke without fire. Even the most spurious accusations can circulate like wildfire and are equally difficult to contain.
Usually at this point, professional, decent and highly responsible newspapers like The News of The World who stand on their unswerving reporting accuracy would make a habit of underlining key phrases and putting other words in bold to somehow add credibility. Furthermore, they would offer quotes from unnamed "friends" or "associates" or "onlookers" providing valuable (although clearly fictitious) insight without ever having to state where the statements came from. They'd likely add a photo to the story that is completely out of context and ask lots of lurid, suggestive and highly leading questions without making any direct allegations. Finally, they would typically collate a very tenuous list of 'factoids' to give creedence to their clearly unsubstantiated claims / lies.
So, completely ignoring the paragraph above... Given Rooney's background and current circumstance, would one would put it past him to be embroiled in such scurilous rumours? Is there any truth to these total fabrications whatsoever?
Let's look at the mounting "facts" / complete and utter lies:
(1) Wayne Rooney has a mobile phone
(2) Wayne Rooney has sent private text messages from that phone - without phone transcripts which he has mysteriously not publically issued; who's to say they were NOT sent to a 5 year old Romanian child?
(3) There are plenty of Romanian girls aged 5
(4) We have found a random photo of a young loosely Romanian looking girl using a mobile phone and inserted it out of context into a piece of professional looking editorial - who's to say that he hasn't been texting her?
(5) Wayne Rooney is surely aware of what a spitroast is and flimsily / very tenuously - recent revelations from skank whore Jennifer Thompson did state he had requested a threesome with both her and a friend. Was the friend a 5 year old Romanian? Who's to say? Jennifer Thompson has been uncharacteristically tight lipped on the subject...
(7) Wayne Rooney does have colleagues who if we don't name them can therefore be classed as unnamed colleagues
(8) Many five year olds are big fans of Shrek. Is it possible that if a 5 year old Romanian was being texted by Wayne Rooney that she could feasibily think it was Shrek himself and respond favourably?
It's all starting to add up...
I asked Wayne Rooney for a comment but since he doesn't know me and I don't have a contact number for him or any of his peoples or indeed any press credibility then I was basically asking thin air and was thus unable to reach him or even attempt to. So what's he got to hide? Why won't he speak to me on this pressing issue?
Gary Glitter however was happy to comment on the matter and provide some degree of clarity: "Have you got her number?" he asked. "Who?" I said, to which he responded, "that Romanian chick..."
More on this grevious and baseless story as we entirely manufacture it.
