Rooney - So Dump Me! Do I Look Effin Bovvered?

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Tuesday, 7 September 2010


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Don't Talk With Your Mouth Full.

Friends close to Wayne Rooney this morning told an SSN reporter that Rooney was making a defiant stance over his 'shaky' marriage to Coleen.

"He says if she wants him out of her life, then so be it. He's just not bovvered. His face didn't look a bit bovvered, and he acted like he was simply not in the least bit bovvered."

Associates say that Roo has become a bit peeved by Coleen and her people constantly having a pop at him, as he considers that they've lived very nicely thank you off the back of his footballing prowess for long enough.

Another source told us that Rooney - currently in Berne with the England squad for a Euro qualifier - appeared happy and relaxed as he wandered about on a mountain with a lonely goatherd, polishing up his yodelling skills.

Back home, in Westhoughton, Bolton, the woman at the centre of the row, harlot Jennifer Thompson spent much of yesterday scoffing McDonald's quarterpounder cheeseburgers - apparently every time somebody asked her a question, she would take a massive bite out of a quarterpounder in order to avoid having to say anything.

One woman alleged that Thompson had been 'on the batter' for quite some time, and that she suspected that the 'good time girl' may have an expensive cocaine habit. (Or something.)

Our reporter couldn't find any evidence to support allegations that Thompson provided sexual favours to men in nightclub bogs in exchange for sizeable wads of cash.

Franck Ribery is thought not to be involved in any way.

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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