Jennifer Thompson Doesn't Know What All The Fuss Is About

Funny story written by Geissler

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

image for Jennifer Thompson Doesn't Know What All The Fuss Is About
Rooney: he's just the same as you an me - only richer

Jennifer Thompson, the 'bit-on-the-side' in the Wayne Rooney scandal, has spoken publicly for the first time about her romps with the Manchester United and England star, and has said she doesn't know what all the fuss is about.

Speaking in an interview with me, in a dream I had last night, Thompson said:

"I really don't think it's anyone's business, apart from mine, Wayne Rooney's and his wife's. If a footballer wants to visit a prostitute, what business is it of ours to dictate to him that this is a wrong choice? He is a grown man, and quite able to take responsibility for his own actions."

She added: "If a married postman delivers a letter to a house where a woman is still in her nightgown, and through some innocuos chit-chat, she invites him in for 'a cuppa', and they, somehow, end up in the bedroom, is that a matter for public concern? If a bank clerk who has designs on a married female colleague, summons up the courage to ask her out, and ends up tonking her down some back alley after the pubs have shut, is this to be dragged through the national press and presided upon by a nation of hungry scandal-guzzlers? If, in the course of his daily routine, a 40-something married gentleman goes for a walk in the park, meets a 30-something married lady who is walking her dog, and after the briefest of conversations, both end up in the bushes naked from the waist down, grinding each others bones and sucking on parts that would be best sucked indoors, is there any great need for this story to be trumpeted from the parapets of the press offices and broadcast widely on the country's television screens, so that all can share in the misery of the pair who were merely trying to carve some joy out of their sad existences? To you, I say a resounding "No!", and suggest that the experience Mr Rooney enjoyed with myself was but a brief interlude from his footballing duties, and the stress brought on by the country's high expectations heaped upon him in their undertaking. Leave the poor bloke alone. He's done you no harm."

I think I agree with her, don't you?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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