Written by Stevey G.

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

image for Rooney invests in new Amsterdam 'Super Brothel'
Prostitute 'hand-picked and road-tested' by Rooney himself

As news continues to break of Wayne Rooney's interest in Manchester prostitutes in general and Jennifer (Juicy Jeni)Thompson in particular, we can exclusively reveal that Rooney is a major share-holder in a new 'Super Brothel' due to open soon in the heart of Amsterdam's red-light district.

The 'super-brothel' follows the concept of the 'super-casino' and is intended to overshadow the competition both in size and splendour.

Rooney's partners in sin are reputed to be fellow footballers with a penchant for prostitutes, Ashley Cole and Peter Crouch.

Rooney, speaking from the English camp in Switzerland, confirmed that he had invested a significant amount of time and money to prostitures over the years and felt that it was time that he started to recoup some of his investment.

'We feel that this is a business that we know a lot about', said spindly stick-man Crouch earlier today.

The new venture will be called 'A Premiership Shag' and will cater for the 'high-end' market.

'We've recruited the best slappers that money can buy', reported Ashley Cole. 'All three of us have had a hand in the recruitment process and all girls have been thoroughly 'road-tested''.

Cynics have suggested that this new business venture will simply be an opportunity for the three serial philanderers to carry on their obsession with prostitutes away from prying eyes, whilst creating the impression that they are simply carrying on a legitimate trade.

'Oh no, it's much more simple that that', said Rooney. 'Now that Coleen has kicked me out, and Abbey has broken up with Peter and because we're both really ugly b******s, this is the only way we're ever going to get laid again.

Ashley agreed. 'Yes, they are both ugly f*****s, but now that Cheryl has divorced me and given my track record, this seemed the only way that I'll be getting a regular shag too'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Wayne Rooney

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