Hull City Facing "Doomsday Scenario"

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 24 April 2010

image for Hull City Facing "Doomsday Scenario"
Tigers fans before today's clash with Sunderland

Hull City chairman Adam Pearson has warned the club's supporters that the Tigers' relegation from the Premier League to the Championship will leave them facing a 'Doomsday Scenario' which could well herald the End of the World.

City, who face Sunderland at the KC Stadium today, are in a must-win situation, as, if West Ham beat Wigan, and City fail to get three points, a 5-point gap would open up, effectively meaning the Yorkshiremen would have to beat both Wigan and Liverpool in their last two games to stay up.

Pearson's notes in last Wednesday's match programme before the Aston Villa game were apocalyptic, and clearly set out what relegation would mean for the Tigers. He said:

"First of all, we would have to foot an unmanageable wage bill, for which I can blame my predecessor Paul Duffen. Then, after the initial nuclear explosion and accompanying fireballs, would come calamitous after-shocks which would destroy all the buildings in Hull, including the city's attractively-designed new bus station and its adjoining St Stephen's shopping centre. A series of tidal waves would then sweep in from the Humber Estuary, washing away anything and anyone that was left alive.

"Over the next few days, clouds of radioactive dust would cover the city like an eerie blanket of doom. This could hang over East Yorkshire for up to three months until the new season begins."

Pearson appeared to have tears in his eyes, as he said:

"It's going to real expensive. I can hardly bear to think about it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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