Rafa Benitez To Sign Top Lawyers

Written by Earl Grey

Friday, 23 April 2010

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"Sing when you're suing, you only sing when you're suing..."

Liverpool boss Rafa Benitez has announced that he is to sign a team of top lawyers in a bid to help Liverpool to qualify for the Champions League. Unhappy at refereeing decisions which have gone against his side all season, Benitez has decided to sue any officials who may make decisions which he does not like.

It is thought that he got the idea from Russia, where Dinamo Moscow are already considering action following a disputed penalty decision in their match against Grozny. One disgruntled Dinamo official said "In the old days we would have just shot the bastard and sent his family to the gulag. How times change!"

Originally, Benitez is said to have favoured the gulag option until the legal implications of kidnapping and murder were pointed out to him. He is now thought to have contacted the legal firm Huge Bill & Grabbit, who specialise in high profile cases.

Meanwhile, Dinamo are hoping that Vladimir Putin will agree to bomb Grozny again as a response for some suspicious refereeing decisions. Lokomotiv are also considering legal action because they failed to win their match. Benitez has always been a huge fan of Russian football and he is said to be watching developments very closely.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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