John Terry Scandal: Referendum To Be Held

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 2 February 2010


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Is it really THIS serious?

As the John Terry situation started to get out of hand today, with people on both sides of the rift starting to care, the Football Association this afternoon announced that it will hold a nationwide referendum over whether or not the Chelsea defender should retain the England captaincy.

The trouble started when Terry allegedly poked Vanessa Perroncel, the ex-girlfriend of his former Blues team-mate, Wayne Bridge.

Apparently, this is not allowed, and has prompted FA action.

Calls have come from the very top of the game - I mean, Mark Lawrenson, if you will! - for Terry to stand down from the captain's role, and even from the national team squad altogether.

But with the South Africa World Cup fast approaching, manager Fabio Capello's options without Terry would be severely limited, especially as he is the best we have.

As news of the referendum broke, football fans everywhere reacted with glee to hear that they were going to be offered the chance to participate in something, like they do in Strictly Come Dancing, for example. Arsenal fan, Jackie Slutt, said:

"I think what John Terry has done is disgusting! If he's unable to keep his cock in his trousers, then he doesn't belong in the England team, as keeping your cock in your trousers is extremely important when defending at international level."

Manchester United fan, Tommy Dickerty, went further. He said:

"I went further. It's despicable. He should be booted out of the squad for poking that bird, even though every other man in England would have done exactly the same. We don't need him. We've got Rio Ferdinand, and he's as pure as driven snow, unless you count that time he missed his drugs test, that is."

Another United fan, Harry Riddle, amazingly from Manchester, said:

"Chuck him out! He's a terrible role model for the kids. Shagging his best mate's wife? You don't want your kids growing up thinking that's the way to carry on, do you? Kids need good, upright role models like Rio, Gary Neville and Eric Cantona. John Terry should be banned from playing football for life, if you want my considered lunatic opinion."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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