CABINDA PROVINCE, ANGOLA - Emmanuel Adebayor has revealed the true motive as to why he's returned home in the wake of the gun attack on the Togolese National team: the Manchester City striker has tickets to the darts championship final and doesn't want to miss the match under any circumstances.
'Look, I've had these tickets for fucking ages! The gaffer knew that I didn't want to play in the Africa Cup of Nations because of the darts, but he forced me to anyway,' said Adebayor.
'Obviously this whole situation is truly tragic, but if it means I can jump on a plane and get to the Lakeside Country Club in time for Sunday's final, then I don't see what the problem is quite frankly.'
One of Adebayor's team-mates, who wished to remain anonymous, said: 'During the team meeting when we were discussing whether to stay or head home to our respective countries, Emmanuel was being particularly forceful with his opinion.'
'He was adamant that we shouldn't stay here and play football. I guess we now know why that was. He just wanted to watch Wolfie take on Chizzy and get pissed at the bar,' he concluded, with a tear in his eye.
The final, which will see Martin Adams defend his title against Dave Chisnall, is expected to be a shoddy and disappointing affair.
Asked to defend his decision to return to England and watch the darts, Adebayor said: 'I was going to watch the final on TV out here, but the reception is shit. '
'Also, have you tried watching darts with Angolan commentators? It's just not an option. Sorry, I'm not willing to compromise on this decision. Now if you don't mind, I've got a plane to catch, so fuck off!'