Advertising pitchman extraordinaire and really effective new improved corpse Billy Mays will throw out the first pitch at this year's All-Star game in St Louis. Mays will throw from a mound of revolutionaryily remanufactured horseshit, manicured in a new improved method using equipment that was invented for space missions. Mays will throw a ball composed of genetically engineered bushwa which will be caught by a catcher wearing a glove made from the hide of a cloned steer from whose heritage came leather that constructed the gloves of Ruth, Gehrig and DiMaggio.
Mays' digitally remastered voice will be used to sell every worthless and overpriced piece of junk in the stadium and on MLB websites for the rest of the season. May he rest in peace.