Cheltenham - (Equine Ass Mess): The Queen has been warned about the perils of running her top equine vanity project the 16-1 Cheltenham Gold Cup contender Barbers Slop this Friday the 13th of March.
Palace racing advisers fear the seven year-old will crash the fences before fatally impaling himself and his rider on some nasty protruberance "like Kauto Star's jockey Ruby Walsh."
The day's stunning astrological aspect of the Sun conjunct Uranus augurs a horrible public humiliation for the Puppet Monarch's luckless nag, Old Fatty Mountbatten has been told.
But she's having none of it.
Daftass UK tabloids have been urging on witless punters all week that a God Cup win for Barbers Slop "could miraculously turn around the recession-hit nation's fortunes."
"Locking for good up 99% of this fetid Puppet Monarchy would do the nation's morale a whole lot more good," the head of the UK's Serious & Disorganised Crime Agency promised today.
