Gabriel Agbonlahor Misses His Call Up To England U-21 Squad Due To Various Reasons

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 1 June 2007

image for Gabriel Agbonlahor Misses His Call Up To England U-21 Squad Due To Various Reasons
Gabriel Agbonwhatever yesterday

Gabriel Agbonlahor, the strangely-named Aston Villa player, missed the chance to join the England U-21 side because of a mix-up with his mobile phone, says the England international football website, though close friends of the player have said differently.

Harry Agbonkarachi, a pal of the player, told TheSpoof that Agbonlahor did not even realise that he was English, "what with a name like that and everyfink". The news that Stuart Pearce was trying to contact him came as a complete shock to the Villa striker, who found the net 10 times last season.

Another friend Juan-Pablo Sourpuss, said that 'Aggy' was enjoying a holiday, couldn't be bothered to play for "the kids" and would only respond to a call-up to play for the "proper" England team against Brazil.

Villa manager Martin O'Neill said that the player would have loved to have played for the U-21 team , but was worried that his extremely long and strange name wouldn't have fit on the back of the England shirt, and even if it had, would have been the butt of jokes from commentators such as Jon Champion, John Motson, who is half-senile, and Alan Green - the Irish bloke.

The official reason given on the England website was that Agbonlahor didn't get Pearce's call because his mobile phone had been switched off. He is now unlikely to get another call up in the near future because the U-21 manager does not suffer fools lightly, and is known to have a fiery temper.

Mr Pearce seemed unconcerned that he had lost Agbonlahor from his squad.

"His loss is someone else's gain", he said, "stupid little twat."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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