Isle Of Man TT Race Is Safer Than Pulling-On Your Underpants - Claim

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 1 June 2007

image for Isle Of Man TT Race Is Safer Than Pulling-On Your Underpants - Claim
Watch it!.....Awwgh ..he never stood a chance

The Isle of Man TT gets under way this weekend amid the usual calls for it to be scrapped, but statistics just out show that it isn't nearly as dangerous as some people seem to think.

Critics say the race has claimed too many lives over the years, but fans point to evidence in a new report that shows a person is far more likely to "come a cropper" pulling on his underpants, than he is whilst tearing around the TT track at 200mph.

The report, published in the Hairy Biker's Cookbook of Questionable Facts, reckons that, although one rider did die in the 2006 race, 14 people around the world were killed whilst attempting to climb into underwear that was "too tight". Worse still, was "Making Toast", where 48 people met their end, due mainly to electrical problems, although 4 of that number choked on slices that were seriously burnt.

Dave Greaser, who runs a local pub, The Sweaty Saddle said:

"Worldwide, there were many strange deaths last year. A man died after slipping on a slug, and 18 others fell off bar stools. Twenty-three people died of nosebleeds, and 60 after incidents involving milk floats. In the worst example, more than 95,000 old pensioners perished simply because they were too old. It's unfair to say the TT is a death trap."

Opponents of the TT say, however, that the Isle of Man has, for far too long, been a haven for unruly and unwashed ruffians with nothing better to do than hurtle through country lanes at 175mph, drink beer and indulge in nightly gang-bangs when the pubs shut.

Resident Jane Spoilsport, 15, said:

"The orgies are a scream, but the noise from the bikes is murder."

Race official Jim Obvious, said in a statement:

"The race is almost completely safe. One person died last year, but during last February alone, on the same stretches of road, six motorists lost their lives. This proves that the roads are actually safer during the Isle of Man TT race."

His colleague Andy Grebo told fans on the official IOM TT website:

"We don't want to be cavalier about this. The TT is a risky event. But, under the right conditions, and with the correct equipment, there is no reason why competitors shouldn't stay alive. Children shouldn't try it at home though, not without an adult present. That would be extremely irresponsible."

TheSpoof would like to make it clear that the views expressed by those mentioned in the article are not necessarily shared by Monkey Woods or any of his fellow scribblers. It is, in fact, Monkey Woods' contention that the Isle of Man TT Race is extremely dangerous, and one should exercise extreme caution when crossing the roads on the Isle of Man at all times, and particularly in February.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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