MAR-A-LAGO - (Spoof News) - Tabloid Today writer Papaya Bamboo reports that she recently spoke with Trump's drug-loving son, Don "Dopey" Trump, and he informed her that his father is looking positively like shit.
"Dopey" said his dad has lost 91% of his hair, 28% of his brain matter, 31% of his teeth, and 73% of his pubic hair.
She also noted that former girlfriend Maria Sandia Bartiromo is not returning any of his calls.
Apparently, Maria realizes that she has to distance herself as far from the persona non-grata as possible.
Everyone knows, even Trump supporter Greg "The Swamp Monster" Gutfeld, that the "Orange Twat" has become like a whore with an STD that no one wants to get anywhere near.
