LONDON - (Satire News) - The BBC has just broken the story that premier league footballer at a a top flight club is dating one of Russia's most infamous spies.
The player, with the initials D.L., has denied the alleged allegations, but BBC reporter Oceana Figgly, says that she has over 70 photos of the couple in various states of in flagrante delicto.
In one of the photos, the couple is seen necking on a bench in front of the Tower Big Ben, and in another D.L. is clearly shown caressing the huge, sensuously gorgeous elbows of the Commie spy, who has been identified as Natasha Natalinovitch.
Miss Natalinovitch, who is married to a filthy rich oligarch, named Boris (no relation), has been a spy for seven years and in that time she has managed to learn a dozen very secretive military secrets about Great Britain, America, Switzerland, Bolivia, and Pisagovia.
Nattykins, as her 82-year-old husband calls her, recently dated Scotland Yard agent Niles Souffe, who revealed to her an astounding secret that the United Kingdom is planning on launching an aerial attack on Norway within seven months. ■
