HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – The Christmas holiday season may be over, but not for the Hallmark Movie Channel.
Executives with the network have announced that they’ve just finished filming their 500th Christmas-themed movie.
The film’s title is “Santa Gets a Much-Needed Vasectomy”.
The movie stars Kellie Pickler as Christian woman, Greta Tuck, who vowed to never celebrate the Christmas season again, after she was bitten by a kitten that her ex-husband, Homer, had given her for Christmas.
Danny DeVito stars as Homer Wixheimer, the extremely short ex-husband and Macy's Department Store Santa Claus.
Antonio Banderas stars as Greta's new love interest, Fernando Fondue, and Chelsea Handler stars as Kimberly Kuntenbaum, the bitch-whore who screwed around with Greta's no-good-bastard-husband Homer.
The film is rated PG-13, for some recreational drug use, a bit of nudity, some profanity, and one semi-naughty menage-a-trois scene in the parking lot of a Jack-in-the-Box.
This motion picture was shown to a group of senior citizens at the Lost Libido Old Folks Home in Cucamonga, and 17 of the 18 residents loved it.
91-year-old Hannah Florence Cornwall said that, although she admitted that the 3 sex scenes did manage to stir up her one remaining ovary, the movie didn’t exactly float her boat.
One TV movie pundit estimates that the Hallmark Movie Channel has used over 2,000 different Santa Clauses in their 500 Christmas movies.