Vox Populi News Agency senior writer Tapioca Swizzle has just compiled a list of tweets from individuals from the world of sports.
TWEET #1: TOM BRADY – Well ladies and gentleman that’s it for me. After 22 seasons and 17,000 gallons of Gatorade, I have decided to hang up my cleats, my helmet, and my football cup. And I now stand to make even more millions of dollars working as an NFL sports analyst, where I won’t have to worry about getting my skinny ass clobbered by some 6-foot-7-inch, 305-pound fucking defensive lineman!
TWEET #2: JERRY JONES – Dammit! I lost $1.6 million when I bet a Las Vegas bookie that my Cowboys would be playing in the 2022 Super Bowl.
TWEET #3: PAIGE SPIRANAC – Now, don’t get me wrong, I love all of the wonderfully flattering adulation that I am getting from millions of men, but shit! that doesn’t mean that they can just come up to me and fucking grope my ass. So far, I’ve just kinda ignored it, but I am going to start turning some of the motherfucking horny bastards into the LPGA officials.
TWEET #4: JOAQUIN BEAUREGARD GAZPACHO - I wheel sey dat de bull goring dat I got in my ass sheek in Tijuana reely made me teenk dat I am berry, berry lucky dat de fooking toro (bull) deed not gore me in my peckerino (dick).
TWEET #5: DANICA PATRICK – Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I am missing Aaron’s (Rodgers) big, hard, you-know-what so fucking much!
TWEET #6: ESMERALDA GAZPACHO – Beleefs ju me, I am tu mush berry happy dat my husbandt, El Gazpacho, deed not geet goreded in hees, how ju say eat…pee-pee.
