NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) – Sports Territory Magazine has just released a statement from NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.
The commissioner says that after receiving thousands and thousands of complaints from NFL fans, he has decided to issue a mandate to be effective immediately.
Goodell has just mandated that any singer professional, semi-professional, or non-professional sing the National Anthem; exactly the way that Francis Scott Key and his little-known lyricist Bernard Bernardowitz wrote it.
The commissioner, revealed that growing up as a boy, the Star-Spangled Banner was his favorite song, followed by “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” by the Beatles, “The House of The Rising Sun,” by the Animals, and “Lola” by the Kinks.
SIDENOTE: Sport Territory Magazine writer Tango Brisket noted that from now on the song will be sung 100% the way it was written and any singer(s) who deviate, even one fucking half-note, (Goodell's words) will forfeit their talent fee payment of $10,000.
