NEW YORK CITY - (Sports Satire) – The Sports Bet Gazette has just broken the story that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has decided to bring back the cardboard fan cutouts, that were first used during the Covid-19 Pandemic of 2020.
The commissioner spoke with SBG’s Zorro La Bamba and he told him that the reason is because so many of the players are not wearing their masks and some have been known to be (secretly) making out with the team cheerleaders.
Goodell revealed that he has a list with 71 names on it, and if the players do not stop making out with the cheerleaders, he will be forced to release the list to the Bravo Network’s information guru Andy Cohen.
The commissioner also commented that since many of the cardboard fan cutouts were sold to fans after the 2020 season, the NFL will have about 450,000 new ones made at a cost of $18.9 million.
Goodell added that the $18.9 million should be quickly recouped by raising the prices of hot dogs, fortune cookies, M&M's, beer, tuna fish sandwiches, and guacamole dip.
SIDENOTE: SBG has learned that the Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspurs football clubs in England have already placed orders for the cardboard fan cutouts.